I knew I needed a change while I was driving to work.
That’s where men decide their course of action. No music, no talk radio, just a man and his thoughts. Those thoughts overwhelmed me for months. I needed out and couldn’t take it anymore. The horse had been whipped to many times, till the point where I was crumpled on the ground. I’d given them all I had, but the corporation still wanted more. Wanted more while driving me closer and closer to the poverty line.
I walked into the same place I had for the past 4 years. This day felt more eerie than most. I could tell the decision was already made, I was done. I knew it was my last show and there was this sense of relief. Looking back on it, it might have been my best show. The corporation was going to try to send a message, it was their way of trying to deliver a knockout punch. The only problem was I had already won. They made my life a living hell, hoping I would pack in for free. I didn’t, I made them drag me to the finish line. It was there, they would have to face me. No hiding behind e-mails, no more hiding behind their lousy excuses or fake titles. My entire life came down to an envelope. They fired me, and thank god they did. I would have still been driving into work, gripping that wheel and feeling the same emptiness of working for the corporation. The corporation took an enjoyable thing and made it dull. It robbed me of my passion, and replaced it with a poor excuse of a business.
I beat them you see. I made them look me in the eyes. You learn a lot from someone in those moments. The three suits sat across from me. One by one, they took turn applying the pressure. Three people talking and grilling you doesn’t sound fun, but I was loving every minute of it. My boss couldn’t look me in the eye. I had already won.
I got home that day and sat down in my basement apartment. The tap in my kitchen was slowly dripping. I could hear each drop hit the sink. Drip, drip, drip. Those drops consumed me until finally the dripping stopped. It was just me and my thoughts. I could finally move on with my life. It was me and the unknown. The corporation couldn’t look me in the eye. They tried to tell me I was wrong for standing up to them. Wrong to challenge working on the poverty line, wrong to be ambitious and pursue my dreams. They handed me the envelope, but couldn’t look me in the eye.
I won that day, because I suffered through the pain. It tightened my focus, reshaped my thinking. I didn’t give up. I took kick after kick, beating after beating. I moved on to bigger and better things. The corporation moved further into oblivion. The boss who couldn’t look me in the eye isn’t in this business anymore. He’s a coward.
That drive to work was valuable. The thoughts of the unknown are silly now. I gained valuable experience, it hardened my skin. I’m still on my journey, the corporation is a rudderless ship, and that’s the beauty of my victory.
I’m back on track with some wounds, and I wouldn’t change a thing.